On Tuesday 4th March 2025, our Director Dr Lisa Cherry opened the 2 day National Association of Virtual School Heads (NAVSH) conference with a keynote on Leading Change. Highlighting the importance of language in shaping how we lead change, she reflected on a position title she'd spotted called Behaviour and Attendance Director, suggesting that a shift to a Relationships and Belonging Director offers an opportunity to shift the focus of the work completely.
In this article we’re going to focus on Relational Behaviour Policies. Our Educators Pack contains just about every policy template you can think of but here’s a flavour of the impact of policy and how this works in practice. TICS Associate Sophie Tales, a Vice Principal in an inner city mainstream Primary School, reflects on how her school approaches relationship building.
Relational Behaviour Policies
Whole school behaviour have been a topic of conversation for years. While most pupils and students are well-behaved within schools, when there is persistent misbehaviour or extreme examples of crisis behaviour, this can be one of the biggest stressors found by teachers and why many leave the profession (Teacher Tapp, 2019). So when considering a behaviour policy review, what does research suggest is the best style of policy to go for? The Education Endowment Foundation’s (EEF) guidance report titled ‘Improving Behaviour in Schools’ published in 2021 states: “Focusing on developing good relationships […] ensures pupils feel valued and supported, meaning they are less likely to misbehave.” The guidance acknowledges the importance of “Teaching learning behaviours alongside managing behaviour” and that there must be a balance between proactive and reactive, with proactive being the most crucial element. Therefore, the EEF guidance supports the idea of relational behaviour policies and the impact they have within modern school settings.
What is a Relational Behaviour Policy?
Where behaviour policies of old would focus on sanctions given to pupils and students for certain behaviours, relational behaviour policies focus on the causes behind behaviour and positive relationships as the cornerstone to building self-esteem and a sense of belonging in pupils and students. Desautels (2020) expresses the importance of “trusting bonds” with key adults as imperative for children to “unfold their innate potential.” This approach creates a positive atmosphere where students and pupils reflect on their behaviour alongside staff to develop their whole self, rather than focusing on specific aspects of their character as right or wrong. Removing the focus on ‘negative behaviour’ helps students and pupils to develop their whole character and removes shame being associated with poor behaviour. Relational Behaviour Policies accept that in the same way that a student or pupil will make mistakes in their academic work, it is equally important for students and pupils to make mistakes in their social interactions and, therefore, a chance for reflection and consideration can then build a better understanding to ensure certain behaviours are not repeated.
How does a Relational Behaviour Policy differ from other Behaviour Policies?
Firstly, Relational Behaviour Policies will sit inline with other policies within the school such as safeguarding, SEND, and rewards. A Relational Behaviour Policy considers that a pupil or student exhibiting defiant behaviours or pushing against the behavioural expectations of the school community may well be an attempt to communicate an unmet SEND need or safeguarding issue. Equally, a Relational Behaviour Policy will consider the rewards that pupils and students receive for supporting the community and making a positive contribution to the school environment. Therefore, within the Relational Behaviour Policy there will be reference to these other policies to state that if a pupil or student are exhibiting X behaviour over X time then consideration for reward, safeguarding issue or SEND will be looked in to.
Secondly, staff training will be a core component of the Relational Behaviour Policy subject dependent on the needs of the school community and school improvement considerations. Therefore, it may be that the staff have regular training on communication styles or trauma informed practice – whatever training is required to meet the needs of the school student or pupil body. This training is research based and works to develop the staff skill set in connecting with and supporting students and pupils. There is an understanding within this training that staff are the role models for behaviour in the school and that interactions with students and pupils should always aim to support and develop students and pupils. Tales (2024) coined the term “Relational Curiosity” when articulating the way in which staff should view behaviour as a form of communication to consider their responses to actions and approach in support students and pupils. She further explains the importance of building key relationships with students and pupils, particularly those who are experiencing adversity, to build a foundation of support on which correction and restoration can take place should a disagreement occur. As Cherry (2022) articulates through their interviews with care experienced professionals, “it only took one teacher to show she cared, and I excelled in all my subjects.”
Finally, Relational Behaviour Policies have clear review dates and are amended and adapted to meet the needs of the present cohort. Therefore, they are not static policies but also acknowledge the importance of time for consistency. Relational Behaviour Policies and clear with regards to consequences for acts of poor behaviour but equally the support mechanisms that will be put in place alongside sanctions and communication with all stakeholders.
What does a Relational Behaviour Policy look like in daily practice?
It can be misconstrued that Relational Behaviour Policies do not include sanctions or consequences for unkind or inappropriate behaviour; this is not the case. Relational Behaviour Policies may well include detentions or suspensions; however what they also provide is a clarity around what the detention or suspension shall include. Detentions or suspensions within a Relational Behaviour policy include restorative conversations with those involved in the behavioural incident, focused work reflecting of the causes for the behaviour and next steps considerations of support to ensure that the behaviour isn’t repeated.
Relational Behaviour Policies place a big emphasis on the need to communicate with parents and carers with regards to behaviour at school, both positive and negative. Relational Behaviour Policies emphasise the need for staff to build positive relationships with carers and parents by acknowledging the strengths of pupils and students over the challenges. There must be clarity on what a student or pupil is finding challenging at the moment, with an acknowledgement that this is something that is being worked on as a collaborative approach between student or pupil, home and school; the student or pupil is never expected to change their behaviour in isolation but instead through coaching and support.
Restorative conversations are a very important part of Relational Behaviour Policies to teach students and pupils healthy relationship communication, how to resolve conflict and to accept other people’s differences and different opinions. Paul Dix writes extensively on the importance of restorative conversations as part of a supportive and reflective behaviour policy: “A good restorative conversation builds connection and leaves everyone understanding where the boundaries lie” (p82, 2017). Dix’s work highlights the importance of staff coaching students and pupils in understanding relationships and perceptions of behaviour to acknowledge mistakes and make steps to resolve conflict.
Rewards for positive behaviour and behaviour that supports and develops the community as a whole is the key emphasis of a Relational Behaviour Policy. Pupils need to see that there is more value given to the expectation that positive behaviour will be shown the majority of the time rather than reprimanding being the key focus. Pupils and students should be motivated by these rewards to want to achieve in the same way they are encouraged to academically achieve within their lessons. Beginning with external motivators support students and pupils in developing intrinsic motivations to support one another and help the community thrive by building empathy and understanding in one another.
Behaviour within school can be challenging to manage when schools are supporting a growing number of social tensions internally. Relational Behaviour Policies aim to teach relationships and reflect on interactions rather than deliver sanctions and expect the behaviour to go away. The model of Relational Behaviour Policies is one that reflects the needs of the school community and alters to further develop the character of pupils and students.
Key points:
References
Cherry. L., (2021). Conversations That Make A Difference for Children and Young People: Relationship-Focused Practice from the Frontline. Routledge
Cherry, Lisa (2022) The Brightness of Stars: Stories from Care Experienced Adults to Inspire
Change. 3 rd edition. London: Routledge.
Desautels, L., (2020) Connections Over Compliance: Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline.
Oregon: Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.
Dix. P., (2017). When the Adults Change, Everything Changes: Seismic shifts in school behaviour. Independent Thinking Press.
Tales, S., (2024). Creating Adversity-Aware Schools: Trauma-Informed Tools and Strategies from Educators with Lived Experience. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Teacher Tapp (2019) ‘Behaviour: What is going on in schools? (And how does it affect teachers?).’
Available at Behaviour: What is going on in schools? (And how does it affect teachers?) (accessed
02/03/25).
Further Reading
Cherry. L., (2021). Conversations That Make A Difference for Children and Young People: Relationship-Focused Practice from the Frontline. Routledge
We hope this article has been helpful and if you’re looking for any training or consultancy in your setting on anything mentioned in this article or on related areas on trauma informed practice, please do contact Lyndsay, our Working Together Lead, at lyndsay@ticservicesltd.com and she will help to support you on your journey.